I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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