I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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