Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
