thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He? As in you personified your dick?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
