I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
