apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize