i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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