During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize