Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
