I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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