2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
