and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
