You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
