oh god the rape fog is back!
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
