sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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