Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Randomize
