why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
