The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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