she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
