My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
