I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
