I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
