You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
