Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood