I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
be right there i have to get my cape
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?