I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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