She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
