I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
