booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
