Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
