I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
