just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
