All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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