sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
