i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Can vaginas get frostbite?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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