We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
