he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
