You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
