just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
