Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
