Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
