could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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