He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
