Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I got inside last night via doggy door
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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