Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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