Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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