she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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