I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
