The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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