Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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