why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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