I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
