Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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