I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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