He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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