You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
