I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
