Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
