I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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