so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
